The Only That Satisfies: Jesus Christ

I want to tell you the only that satisfies. Perhaps when you read that, you thought to yourself, "Leah, you forgot a word between 'only' and 'that.'" I did not forget the word, but I deliberately left it out, because there are problems with both "thing" and "person." If I had used the word "thing," that seems disrespectful, if the only "thing" that satisfies is a person. However, if I had used the word "person," it could imply that there is only one person that satisfies, but that there might be "things" that satisfy as well.

With that said, the only that satisfies is Jesus Christ. It is something that is simple, but something that I always forget. With my senior year in college upon me and graduation looming (hopefully!), I am left wondering where in the United States (or perhaps the world), I will be located next. Will it be Michigan, the place where I grew up and where my family resides? Will it be in Arkansas, where I've attended college? Might it be in Colorado, which I fell in love with this summer? Or will it be none of those places?

I think to myself, "If I went to Michigan, then I would be close to my family. If I went to Arkansas, then I would already have some sort of a community. If I went to Colorado, then I would be close to beautiful mountains and some of my friends from camp."

But then reality sets in, "If I went to Michigan, then I won't be able to be with the Arkansas community that I love, and I won't be able to see a lot of my camp friends. If I went to Arkansas, then I would be away from my family and my camp friends. If I went to Colorado, then I would not see my family or the community that I have in Arkansas." It seems that every single option falls short. It always seems that if I'm in Colorado, then I am missing my family. If I am in Michigan, I am missing my friends who live elsewhere.

So location and the accompanying people don't satisfy. What about marriage though? One of the things that I have really longed for a large part of my life is a best friend, the one that is found when one is married. I've always desired someone to do stuff together with. I've yet to be married, so I cannot say that I have personally experienced marriage falling short of satisfaction. However, just picture this scenario: You get married, the day that you've been waiting for quite a long time. Then, the next day, your spouse dies somehow. The truth is, none of us are guaranteed another day on this earth. We do not know when we'll die. We cannot count on marriage, or any human relationship, for that matter, for satisfaction.

The same goes for jobs, money, and belongings. All of that stuff could disappear in an instant.

The only that satisfies and that will endure forever is one's relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ. So I ask you: Are you pursuing the only that satisfies, or are you pursuing other things? What are the things that you can do this week to pursue the only that satisfies?

Freedom from the Fear of Suicide (and, Consequently, Suicide Itself)

In light of the suspected suicide of Robin Williams and now the talk on social media of suicide and also people airing their opinions, I thought I would share with everyone a piece of my own story. Unlike Robin Williams, I have never struggled with depression. However, very possibly like Robin Williams, I have struggled with suicidal thoughts. (I know that there are different and various categories of depression. Depression as I am defining it in this piece is a disturbance of mood, particularly a depressed mood, to such a degree that the tasks of daily life are difficult to perform.) Why do I say that? Well, I have never had such a low mood that I have had trouble functioning with daily tasks. I have had such a low mood though that I've contemplated committing suicide. Usually my low moods would originate with me meditating on the brokenness of the world.

The thought that I might commit suicide used to scare me. The act of suicide itself did not scare me; the repercussions of suicide, however, did. I have heard speeches from family members of loved ones who committed suicide, and I did not want my family or friends to have to experience the pain, the brokenness, or the regret that often comes with that. Also, I thought of my adopted "nephew" and "niece," and how something like that would ever be explained to them. That would just be traumatic.

This burden, this fear of suicide, weighed heavily upon me. It was during this time that I remembered what I had learned in my Discipleship and Evangelism class. Jesus Christ is Lord, and He wants to be in control of every part of our lives, for our own good. This thought led me to the realization that Jesus is not only Lord of my life, but He is also Lord of my death. He is the one who determines when I will die. I have absolutely no right to ever end my life. I accepted that Christ was Lord of my death. After I had made that decision, there was a few times when suicidal thoughts came up. However, they had no control over me; they gave me no fear. I just took those thoughts straight to God and said, "God, I'm having these suicidal thoughts. However, I've already determined that You are the one who decides when I will die. Not me. Take these thoughts away from me." As time went on, suicidal thoughts left me completely. I think it's because Satan realized that they did not have a grip on me.

So, if you are struggling with suicidal thoughts (with or without depression), I would encourage you to take those thoughts to God and submit to Him as the one who decides when you will die. Tell Him that He can determine that and not your own self. That is how I received freedom from the fear of suicide, and, consequently, suicide itself.